Living Alone.

 

 

 

I was 26 when I finally left the bird nest, It was a sudden decision that kind of blind sided everyone… Wait! What? Where are you going to ?. You know… something like that!!

I have always never been the type to reveal my inhibitions, but I have always known, at some point in my twenties, before I hit thirty I will leave my house, my family, my comfort zone behind, and all that comes with it. My first stop SOUTH DAKOTA, why South Dakota?  honestly I don’t know, God has that answer, because I prayed for him to take me to where there are more cows than people ( No Joke! I actually did), and BOOM! I literally ended up in the middle of nowhere; a town where every now and then, you are awoken by the necessary odor of freshly marinated cow dung Yum!!!!! I got used to it, actually no! I just play pretend, since everyone around me played oblivious, so d’uh why be that city kid? Nope, If they can’t smell it, I can’t either.

What no one tells you about being Alone!

1. When you are broke, you are dead broke.  Unless you have mom and dad on speed dial, or you say to yourself Nope! I have got this, then pretend to be an island, because you are absolutely strong and independent. Well I thought I’d be an island for a while, until Life proved otherwise then I suddenly appreciated the saying ” No man is an Island”.
2. Introversion vs Extroversion.  I remember a phone conversation I had with my father, where he warned me about isolation. He feels while short term isolation is sanity, long term isolation is insanity. My response to that was I will be just Fine! well the Verdict….!!!! EXTREME INTROVERSION. I am so introverted, people think I hate them lol! I lock myself indoors, I hate to be visited, because I can’t tell you to leave ( that’s very rude, although I’d much rather you step out the moment you step in). Occasionally, I kick close friends out like:

” alright time to leave.”

“wait who? me? ”

“hm, who else is here? I mean I live here, guess who doesn’t live here……..Yep You!!” lol!

” are you kicking me out? wow! ”

“Nope! My introversion is”

Over time I think most of my dear friends just got used to it. I prefer to visit them anyway, that way I can leave when I choose to. I am SPACE CRAZY. I need my personal space

3. You become your own Therapist and it gets worse. This behavior is actually common that I thought, amongst people who live alone per my own personal research due to some weird behaviors I have picked up that creeps even me out . I talk to myself a lot, other times I pretend the walls can hear me, and I stare at them for feedback ( nope I am not crazy, they give pretty good advice actually) I pace back and forth when I can’t make decisions. It is also always nice to know that you can attack problems from different angles using others point of view; others being  my walls, imaginary friends. ( Sometimes I think God looks down on me, with chin in hands, like” child what is you doing?”)

4. You don’t have to share.  chores, tv time, alone time, shower time, meals are all yours.

5, Responsibility.  I miss my older sister for this particular reason. I push all my responsibilities on her, she is responsible for answering all my life questions when I am too lazy to function mentally. She is my personal phone-book, my human calendar, my chauffeur, my bank, my cook, my nurse ( she is still my personal nurse), my reminder, my alarm clock, my wing-man, my relationship adviser, she even shared her friends with me, bless her precious heart :). My very own social butterfly. Now that I live alone, I hate Adulting is all I can say, now I have to read my own insurance policies, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT??! sighhhhhhhhhh tasking!!

6. Learning Courage and Trust.  The very first time I move to a new apartment, I look in every closet, I check for everything to make sure there is no one hiding somewhere. The first few night are the worse because I literally sleep with one eye open. However with time the irrational fear fades.